Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
