you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
