oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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