Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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