In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
