Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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