I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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