Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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