Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
if you like me you must not know who I am
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
