We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
