I got chris browned last night
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
the day after is always just damage control
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
