Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
