similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
