my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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