After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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