so let's talk penis.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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