And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
