Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
