we made out on top of his cat.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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