I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
