I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
