look no pants
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I licked your asshole in confidence.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
