i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
