so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
