I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize
