if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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