If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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