She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
