Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
