420 ftw
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
