I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
