Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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