You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
May the power of my ass compel you!!
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
