had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
