Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Randomize
