I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
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