The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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