hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
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