so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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