Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize