He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
