Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
My Higher Power is John Stamos
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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