My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
