In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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