Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
