my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
