i think i have two assholes
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
