So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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