It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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