I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
