hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I wish there were birth control emojis
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
