even my farts smell like vagina
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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