5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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