so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
