dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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