Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
