we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
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Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I have post one night stand depression
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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