Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
