Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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