Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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