i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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