I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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