In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
