How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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