Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
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my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
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I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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