so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
