When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
