Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
