Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
