Tell her she can't have a vagina
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
